Failure number 3742

Ok, so, before I jump into my back story of my current professional epic failure I must speak about 2 things. First, my definition of failing. I have 3 categories in my wacky mind that I put failures in, and I define them as such: plain old failure, failing to me is something that happens every day, for instance forgetting to stop and get milk, after I wrote it on all 7 lists I have, or, sleep and or the failing to get enough or too much (can anyone really have to much sleep?). I dive into this topic more in a minute. Then I have moderate failure, for instance, accidently using my company corporate card to license a car and getting the call from accounting asking, “what is this” and realizing the business and personal credit cards should be placed farther apart in the wallet. Then there is the last category, epic failure. Something that is profound and monumental in nature that affects others and in a major way! Yep…that is my definition and the reason I started this blog, my current epic professional failure.
Failure number 3742 this year. Sleep. I have this love hate relationship with sleep, and, it is the reason I did not post anything yesterday. Failing at sleep I do at least 2-3 times a week. I have not fallen asleep on my own in over 10 years. Yep, you heard that right, I must take something every night to sleep, and Tuesday night was no exception. I took my usual cocktail of meds, gulped it down with the rest of my glass of wine (no judgment here please) and went to bed. Now, when I do this I usually fall asleep in 15 min, and I am DEAD asleep for 4-5 hours, but then, I start going into a lighter sleep, and, if the environment is not just right I will wake up. Guess what…. the environment was not right Tuesday night. My wonderful partner, who has this amazing super power of sleeping only 3-4 hours a night and functions just fine (it’s a mutation in gene DEC2, yes, he is a mutant) woke up from his sleeping bliss and was watching TV, with the bed light on, and the volume loud. So, guess what? I woke up. Now let it be known I do not function well on little sleep, I need 7-8 hours a night to be productive the next day, if not…..man, watch out everyone. So, at 330 in the morning my half-awake self-thought it was a good idea to take another half of a pill, and wash it down with some cold medicine….yep, and then, to make matters worse, I need a brainless show on to fall asleep to. So, I get a gin and tonic, a bag of almonds, and my iPad and start watching Netflix at 330 am, next to my partner, crunching as loud as I could on the almonds…..but, sleep was still not coming, so, I got up and took a Benadryl. I’m not sure when exactly I fell asleep, but my alarm clock (who is my partner who never sleeps past 5) came to wake me up and I was NOT coherent. I’m late! I have things to do and an interview this morning, crap! I rush into the bathroom, slap some makeup on, comb through the hair, and start making coffee like it was the only thing that could save me now. After 4 cups I thought, ok, I can get through today. WRONG! I made it to 1030…..my body was screaming at me for not sleeping. Its very testy this body of mine. So, after my first meeting (which also involved 2 little girls putting pretend lotion on me as I discussed my transition of leaving) I went home. I looked in the mirror preparing to take a nap and realized I had only put makeup on one eye, and, my teeth felt gross, wait, I forgot to brush them this morning, and, what is this stuck in my hair, an Almond? Yep….I left the house looking like this…..failure number 3742, thank you. Nap time it was.
So, lets get back to my epic failure story…. I have always been a fake it until you make it kinda gal. I have this mindset that if I don’t know how to do it yet, I will figure it out (mind you, I will work 12 hours a day 7 days a week to accomplish this). Good and bad trait. So, when the president of my division asks me if I can step up and take over the entire department, I say, sure, how hard can it be. Well…..it was hard! Growing professionally is hard, and the road is filled with ALL three categories of mistakes, all we can hope for is they stay in the first category, just failures, but, sometimes they swallow the state puff marshmallow man and grow to epic proportions!
September 1st, 2016…..all staff meeting. My boss, the VP was leaving. She had been sick for a while, and I was already doing a lot of her job, most of it in silence, things just needed to get done so I did them. I already had the experience in many if not all of the departments I was going to take over and ¾ of the team was amazing (you know you always have a few riders to help move off the bus) and, the president of my division is a rock star, she will be here to mentor me, it was the door I had been waiting to open in my career as a nurse. This is my department, I get to help drive the team to success! My insides where about to burst with the sheer thought of it all. When I was a little girl, and the question always came up of “what do you want to be when you grow up” I would always say a business woman….with a male secretary of course. So, how did this become an epic failure……? Not strategically growing is how…..November, 2016…..